I need your advice
What?
How do you say no without disappointing someone.
You can’t.
There’s got to be some way — I’ve seen people do it.
Ok, but do they actually say “no,” or are they just sliding out of it and not claiming responsibility for saying no, or are they just giving themselves an opportunity to be at a safe distance first?
Huh.
You can’t really tell someone “no” and not disappoint them, it’s just whether or not you respect them, and yourself, enough to tell them “no” without any window dressing. Saying anything else that hints at “no” is just delaying the inevitable. Sure, they’ll be disappointed, but you are saying “don’t be disappointed now; wait until I’m gone.” And that’s how relationships are ruined, because then you give yourself distance between you and that person, knowing that the farther away from them, the more comfortable you feel. But what you didn’t realize is that the closer you are to them, the more uncomfortable you feel, so when you think about connecting with them again you start to feel uncomfortable, and when, or even if, you are around them again it just feels weird. All because you couldn’t just say no in the first place. I’m not just talking romantic relationships either; any relationship where two people are involved. And what you didn’t realize is that you now have taught yourself the closer you are to that person, the more uncomfortable you feel.
I kind of get it. I mean, I’ve always gotten that concept, but for some reason I just keep falling in the same trap. Like, it doesn’t matter that I know junk food is bad for me; I keep eating it.
you treat other people the way that you want to be treated. You don’t want to hurt them, but you have to think about the long term. That’s what makes a good leader; for others to follow, and for yourself to follow. How would you like it if someone led you on and dragged you down a rocky path before finally letting go?
I hate it.
Okay… Well you need to see that. It takes bravery and courage to tell someone “no,” and to know that you most likely will disappoint them in the short term, but it is, without a doubt, better in the long run. It always is.
Time heals all wounds, right?
Yup. It’s not a race, but it never hurts to get a head start.
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An alternative to this thinking is to make a better offer, one that benefits both parties. Otherwise, being clear and direct is best.
Many times “NO” is the kindest word you can say to someone! They might not know it at the time but they will if they are worthy of your friendship/time. And when clarity happens regarding “no,” many will end up thanking you.
:) it’s scary, but you’re right. I know i’ve thanked a few people for their no’s, or for stopping me from doing something stupid
A clear NO is no.
By being clear with your no makes the entire exchange easier.
You are taking responsibility for your action of no.
So what’s the complication?
If you have conflict with your no then you are not clear.
That is another matter entirely.
Interesting post AR.
not sure i understood that last part, but i want to… clarify please? :3
I have a terrible time saying no. I don’t like to disappoint but I have said it and the outcome has been 50 /50 positive to negative. ;-)
An excellent presentation of an on-going dilemma. :-)
yeah, i don’t wanna flip that coin! haha
*o*
Do as we used to do (and many cultures, like Islamic ones, still do): ‘God willing … Inshallah …’
I feel like our culture with its pressure on being ‘honest’ while everybody know this is impossible in social life, has done a bad job in erasing formulas like this. :)
so true. like whenever you hear someone preface a thought by saying “ok, honestly…”
That certainly is a difficult thing to have to do.