“Everyone wants to be heard, but first you must know what you want to say.”
Bessy’s the best pet cow ever!
No, she’s not a pet…
Look! Goldie’s sleeping upside-down.
No, Goldie’s not sleeping.
She said I looked good.
No, she was just being nice.
Everyone laughed at my joke.
No, they were just laughing at you in general.
If I just had enough money.
No, if you just loved yourself first.
She’s the most beautiful girl ever.
No, you’re just drunk.
I want to be famous.
No, you’re just lonely.
I think she loves me.
No, she just said Hi.
I think I love her.
I think you’re crazy.
I need your advice
How do you say no without disappointing someone.
There’s got to be some way — I’ve seen people do it.
Ok, but do they actually say “no,” or are they just sliding out of it and not claiming responsibility for saying no, or are they just giving themselves an opportunity to be at a safe distance first?
You can’t really tell someone “no” and not disappoint them, it’s just whether or not you respect them, and yourself, enough to tell them “no” without any window dressing. Saying anything else that hints at “no” is just delaying the inevitable. Sure, they’ll be disappointed, but you are saying “don’t be disappointed now; wait until I’m gone.” And that’s how relationships are ruined, because then you give yourself distance between you and that person, knowing that the farther away from them, the more comfortable you feel. But what you didn’t realize is that the closer you are to them, the more uncomfortable you feel, so when you think about connecting with them again you start to feel uncomfortable, and when, or even if, you are around them again it just feels weird. All because you couldn’t just say no in the first place. I’m not just talking romantic relationships either; any relationship where two people are involved. And what you didn’t realize is that you now have taught yourself the closer you are to that person, the more uncomfortable you feel.
I kind of get it. I mean, I’ve always gotten that concept, but for some reason I just keep falling in the same trap. Like, it doesn’t matter that I know junk food is bad for me; I keep eating it.
you treat other people the way that you want to be treated. You don’t want to hurt them, but you have to think about the long term. That’s what makes a good leader; for others to follow, and for yourself to follow. How would you like it if someone led you on and dragged you down a rocky path before finally letting go?
I hate it.
Okay… Well you need to see that. It takes bravery and courage to tell someone “no,” and to know that you most likely will disappoint them in the short term, but it is, without a doubt, better in the long run. It always is.
Time heals all wounds, right?
Yup. It’s not a race, but it never hurts to get a head start.
When I hear “defenestration,” I think of two things. 1: Frustration, because it goes well with defenestration; eg: “it’s frustrating that auto-correct thinks defenestration is a word while defenestrate is not. I need to find a window and defenestrate my frustration.” And 2: What is fenestration? The act of catching things flying in through the window? I sure hope so. I find not the need for such a silly word because indubitably the word begs the question of “what does it mean?” And so you have to take the time to explain the word which makes you appear pompous and highfalutin because you’re intentionally saying things that other people know, but are being exclusive by using such elevated diction. Such language can be used to exclude people from a ‘circle,’ or conversely can be used to make people feel a sense of belonging, or closeness; like an inside joke. You offhandedly mention defenestration in conversation and have to explain it to a friend, but next time when the topic naturally arises, your friend knows what it means and feels special. We should all use plain and simple words and no one should feel special! Ever! Or maybe I’m just jealous… and had to google “defenestration.”