The evolution of culture doesn’t just happen to one person, it’s a slow transition that most people take part in, changing little things here and there until one day the few people who had nothing to do with it say “what happened to the way things used to be?” and then they die because they’re old. It’s like how I imagine real evolution works. One day one of the fish noticed that all of his friends left the water to go for a walk and was like, “well that’s different.” And since he didn’t keep up with the cool, hip, trendy fad of evolution then he couldn’t get laid and then he got really lonely and then fertilized the eggs of some other lonely fish and died because now his life was purposeless. Meanwhile on the beach, the cool walking fish things were having week long parties and enjoying all being the ‘next best thing’… until one of them sprouted thumbs and all the ladies wanted him. I’m not entirely sure how evolution works, but our ancestors were probably those walking fish.

The one thing I do know about evolution is that it doesn’t just happen in one direction. There are so many different cultures and subcultures which allow people to connect and accel the progression of whatever it is they are achieving from life. And then there’s the internet, which just gives way to a giga-shitload of new subcultures that are both real and fabricated, because when you’re online you are a version of yourself that is both real and fabricated. When all these subcultures built and pre-packaged with a particular set of standards and preconceptions about themselves and everyone else, begin to mix… it gets interesting.

In terms of evolution, I suppose we all want to be the next best thing, but what we forget about is how many mistakes and abominations there are for every “next best thing.” Our solution? More. I mean, we’re all logical people, right? The more we change the sooner we’ll get it right… whatever it is. Evolution is one thing, but if you are constantly redefining yourself, doesn’t it seems like you’re defeating the whole purpose of defining yourself?


I haven’t posted in a long time…

Hi everyone. I haven’t posted much over the past couple years. Sorry about that. I’ve wanted to but severe depression has been pulling me down and I’ve rarely had creative thoughts over the last few years. I’m getting back on track and am trying to force myself to make one post every day on a newfangled Instagram account so it’s easier for people to digest as many of ya’ll use Instagram and I can post from my phone. Apologies for breaking the ‘fourth wall’ but I wanted to let you all know. 

Instagram is @allmostrelevant (of course)

Thanks for sticking with me

“It’s always tomorrow somewhere.”

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“‘Crazy’ is only a matter of perspective.”

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What are you supposed to do when your problem is thinking too much? Bang your head against the wall?

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I found myself with some extra time today. I didn’t really like going for walks, but I convinced myself I don’t have anything better to do. Besides, I’ve been working hard and should relax. It was mid-afternoon and the weather was perfect, or at least how I like it. The temperature was warm, with a very high, thin layer of cloud cover that diffused the bright sunlight.

I came upon a park. It was a large grass field with a circular path around it and people from all walks of life. This park just so happened to sit on the top of a large hill. It was called “Reservoir Park,” probably because of the giant water tank fixed maybe 50 feet above the ground, giving life to thousands of houses below.

I started walking counter-clockwise around the park and noticed a familiar looking view. I’d never seen this particular view before, but I recognized it because it looked out over where I grew up. I stopped and stared out at the hill I grew up on. I used to venture into the woods and climb up a tree high enough so I could stare out into the future, unknowingly looking out to where I was standing today, into a mirror with no reflection. I tried to think about everything that’s happened between then and now, all the success, all the heartbreak, everything that’s gotten me to this point so far and changed me from who I was into who I am, but I couldn’t. Nothing came to mind.

From the outside I’d assume that this would be great cause for concern, or should at least worry me in some sense, but I wasn’t even aware that nothing came to mind (funny how minds work). I wasn’t void of memories, but I was remembering, only instead of thoughts coming to mind it was purely feelings coming to heart; the joy, the pain, the love, the longing. I stayed in that moment for quite some time, and after I began to continue my walk I realized I indeed have grown since a child staring out from the tree tops. Never once growing up did I assume I would end up so close to my original home (at least so far). I always had some lofty goal that I would be extremely successful in whatever I did and move far away to somewhere better, some mystical land, wherever that was. But that was before I came out of the woods and went out to live my life. It’s easy to dream when everything looks so open.

Possibly the most important growth that I have experienced is an emotional one. It may seem super simple for some, but I have always been a logical person, using reasoning, knowledge, and whatever else I could prove or validate in order to come to any conclusion. ‘Emotions’ have not been easy for me. I’d get happy and sad like everyone else, but I never got too attached to anything, and would never say, “I’ve got a feeling about this…” Emotions have more or less been a reaction or side effect, so for me a purely emotional response to something is quite amazing, awakening, and somewhat of a miracle. If I can simply look at a view and feel such a wide range and depth of emotions, then that’s amazing. What good are thoughts and circumstances if we don’t feel anything? Every time I asked myself “what do I want to do with my life?” I’ll come up with an answer, and then ask myself, “why?” I’ll do that a few times and it always boils down to something along the lines of “I want to feel happy, feel good, feel loved,” and a big part of that is making others feel loved as well.

I completed my circular walk and looked back across the park to where I stood saw the view, and I couldn’t see it anymore from where I was standing. The trees hid the view from the street, and I noticed if I hadn’t first chosen, logically, to go on this walk, then I would not have ever seen that view, that narrow window into the past. Of course it’s easy to see now, but how many other opportunities like this have I missed? In how many other ways am I still looking out from the trees, waiting to see a reflection?

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The human mind is a miracle that can make something more than it actually is. For example, at first a flower is just a flower, but after your mind grabs hold of it it is love, it is life, it is hope–it becomes a memory, still present even after it has wilted and died.

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Sometimes funny people are also the most serious people, but they just hide it by being funny, so when they try to be serious everyone just laughs… I still can’t quite figure out if they laugh because it’s funny, or it’s funny because they laugh.

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It’s really interesting the cultural shift towards lending out what you don’t use for others. You can rent someone’s house for the weekend, have someone give you a lift in their car, use someone’s place as storage… it’s interesting people are becoming more conscious of maximizing their resources (not being wasteful… is that what sustainability means?), and in the proper American way of “how can I make money off this?” It’s like in cultures where it’s common to have big, close families all the sharing happens within the little ‘tribe,’ but here we seem to not have that, and instead pay for the same service and favors. It’s Iike paying a fee to have that communal feeling of generosity–because it is not expected of us.

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“Don’t play yourself out of the game.”

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