allmostrelevant

A man worked for the engineering department at an oil company. His job as an adviser was to guide the rookies into professionalism. Once his mentees had learned all they could from him they would step  out and assume a loftier position elsewhere with a larger salary.  The company would lose one engineer every year, but would foresee this coming and hire another so productivity was never effected. This went on for many years until the adviser had aged well enough, and his own advice was being reciprocated around the country by his previous mentees, now advisers themselves. On his last day he stared at his empty desk and chair before walking away. His boss, and friend spoke with a sense of content and rest. “Don’t worry; we’ll find a way to fill it.”

The adviser patted his friend on the back. “We lose one every year, but I never thought it would be me.”

As spring begins to close and students begin to part for the summer, they want something to hold on to. People turn their ankles unexpectedly because students start taking bricks from the paths around campus, leaving big holes. Some poor guy has to go out in the morning rain and get on his hands and knees and put a replacement brick in because it would make a cool memento. I saw that guy as I walked the path today. He looked tired.

You ever done the same thing so many times that you can’t remember doing it anymore? You just zone out and the clock moves? People say it’s a form of hypnosis, like driving the same stretch of road everyday that you zone out and just ‘appear’ at your destination. “woah–how’d I get here?” Some people say it freaks them out and it’s really weird, but I think I just invented teleportation.

I work fast. I eat hard. I can run a book faster than I can read a mile. I eat dumbbells for breakfast. Sneezes come in one’s. I can baby sit an entire elementary school for a week—in just one day. Cars look both ways for me. I can wash the dishes while I give a massage. I remind the reminders what they’re supposed to remind me of. I can sleep for an hour in 5 minutes. I dream for other people, and they tell me it was awesome. I’ve grown old a thousand times and can still wrestle a hippo. My teeth make my toothbrush cleaner. I high-fived a bald eagle mid-swoop. I can draw the line and then cross it, and draw another line. I am the answer to your next exam question. I can fill in the blank. I am the blank.