“Life is a one-liner.”
“No it’s not!”
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“Life is a one-liner.”
“No it’s not!”
Two friends were playing a game, and one kept losing. The losing one was not enjoying losing, and complained, “Why do you even play this game, it’s so trivial and pointless anyways?”
The winning friend retorted, “It’s all about skill and strategy. It looks simple but it’s actually really complex; you just have to be good at it.”
The losing friend shrugged his shoulders. “It’s just a game.”
They continued playing until the losing friend won a game and threw his arms up. “Yes, I’m finally winning!”
The other friend shrugged his shoulders, “It’s just a game.” And set up another round.
I have a knack of always beating the rush to a line, but I never really checked to see if I was actually just holding up the line and making it longer.
…Nah. That’s impossible.
What can I start you off with?
I’ll have the wings
Excellent choice
And I’ll have the onion rings
Excellent choice as well, you’ll enjoy them.
And I’ll have the quesadilla
…interesting.
What?
Nothing.
Should I choose something else?
No, it’s just an interesting choice; that’s all.
What’s interesting? Is that bad?
No, not necessarily. Just… interesting.
Should I be concerned?
No.
Would it be better if I got onion rings?
I mean, it depends on you. If you want a quesadilla, I would recommend you get the quesadilla; but the onion rings would be an excellent choice.
…fine. I’ll get the onion rings.
Are you sure?
…not really, but I have to choose something.
Well, you don’t HAVE to choose anything.
But I’m hungry.
So what do you want to eat?
I said I’ll have the onion rings—no wait, I still want the quesadilla.
Okay.
…Okay?
Yeah. Okay.
So it’s okay with you all of a sudden?
Sure.
Good.
Good. I’ll bring those right out.
Fine.
Fine.
A lady in a wheelchair asked me “are you using this chair?” A part of me wanted to say, “don’t you already have a seat?” But the bigger part of me just stammered and shook my head; more so in confusion than in reply. She towed the wooden chair across the tile floor of the coffee shop, turning heads and whatnot, and then plopped it in front of a cushy armchair in the corner. She neither sat in the wooden chair, nor the cushy armchair. She was waiting for a friend, which cleared up my confusion about someone chair-bound asking for a chair, but when her friend came, she sat in the cushy armchair and the wooden chair just stood there, staring at them. After a few minutes the woman in the cushy armchair set her purse down on the wooden chair. I was still confused as to why the chair had been brought over, but at least it had a purpose, so I got back to work.
You know when it’s super quiet at the library, or a quiet spot in a movie, there’s always that one person that thinks if they unwrap their crinkly candy wrapper r e a l l y s l o w l y then you won’t be able to hear it? It’s more distracting when you’re trying not to draw attention to yourself. It’s going to make a noise either way; don’t drag it out. Just do it quickly and get it over with.
I am now promoting my twitter account, @allmostrelevant. It’s funny and keeps you notified.
…There
allmostrelevant 