Tag Archives: funny

Art and Ants

Post a 6 second video on youtube and nobody cares. “Why is it so short? They could have done so much more.” Post a 6 second video on Vine: “Wow. Look what they did with only 6 seconds!”
It’s funny how something like Vine can take off so rapidly. Youtube and video sharing has been around for quite some time. Have our attention spans gotten shorter, or are we just more efficient about filling our down time with entertaining snippets and having the ability to share them with anyone around the world with the touch of a screen?
…or is there an artist in everyone?
I’ve come to notice, through personal experience, as well as impersonal experience, that if you place a creative person in a big open room and tell them “you can do whatever you want as long as you reach the wall,” they won’t know what to do. They’ll start with an idea and walk one direction, like that band, and then maybe get another idea of equal merit and head off in another direction because “it might be worth exploring.” that phrase is the sappy goop that bogs you down.
From an artistic/creative point of view, literally everything is worth exploring, which gives you no better reason to go one way over the other. But the artist doesn’t know that, so they run around in circles going from one place to the next, running toward the wall, but never reaching it because they obtain this strange sense of empathy with the wall, that by touching one part of the wall they are also not touching every other point on the wall, and thus the artist is not living up to their potential.
The metaphor isn’t perfect, but it’s like an ant wandering around in search of food. It doesn’t know where it is, so it could be anywhere, so the ant goes anywhere. It cannot go everywhere — that is impossible — but the point is not to go everywhere. The point is to go somewhere. This is where Vine comes back into the equation.
What every artist needs, and may not be willing to admit, are restrictions. Restrictions are what force you to move with undoubting purpose. Restrictions are what force you to think creatively. The most common restriction we have are deadlines, and then of course you can go from there. Some people complain about them “…Ugh, and the whole thing has to fit on a 6×6 inch space! Can you believe that?” Yes. Yes, I certainly can. I enjoy these little restrictions because they provide a challenge, but even better yet, they provide a direction and get your mind to tick a way it wasn’t ticking before. Whether you like it or not, that’s called being creative. So as is the case with this whole sicks second video Vine thing, people might not know how to express their thoughts in video form about something ‘trivial’ that may be very funny or insightful, but doesn’t warrant ‘a whole video just for that.’ But then a 6 second restriction comes along, and here you are thinking about how can you condense your rambling, yet insightful, thoughts on breakfast cereal into a succinct and witty snippet. And best of all is when people normally wouldn’t do something creative, now feel as though they have an outlet for it that didn’t exist before, so they start making videos. It’s not that videos didn’t exist, but rather that that way of thinking about videos hadn’t existed to them yet.

“Get from A to B.”
“Okay, I’ll just walk.”
“Between A and B is all water.”
“I’ll take a bote.”
“You need to get there in 3 seconds.”
“I’ll take a jet powered hydrofoil.”
“Now that’s something I want to see.”

I don’t really know where I’m going with this, as I don’t know why I started writing it, but for some reason I want to end on the image of the wandering ant, and then you put a piece of food in that room and the ant heads straight for it. It’s a closed room with walls, solid construction, and locked doors, so you have no idea how a thousand other ants came out of nowhere and started helping this ant carry the food. It’s not that you gave the solitary wandering ant some food, you gave it a goal. Before, the ant traveled an aimless path leading nowhere, but now you can clearly see a stream of ants winding across the room, like a vine, showing you where it’s come from, where it’s been, and where’s it’s going next.

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greetings

I just realized that greeting cards are really redundant. Most of the time you hand someone a card in person instead of mail it, so you can just wish them a happy birthday in person.
But it’s the occasions where you don’t want to confront someone that just beg for an alternative. Like something you’d slip under someone’s door with a cute picture that says “I never want to hear you again. turn your music down.” or “TGIF! Take a shower once in a while.”

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The word is “Considerate.”

Uh, can you use it in a sentence?

Yes, “considerate done.”

Um, I don’t think that’s how it’s used.

Do you want me to use it in another sentence? This isn’t a grammar bee–just spell the word.

Can you tell me the definition?

I don’t know; can I?

Could you at least consider it? This isn’t a jack-ass bee.

…Considerate: the quality of doing something with considerable consideration for considerately being considered for considering the consideracy.

Can you give me anything useful at all?!

It starts with the letter “C.”

I see… Okay–

Incorrect.

What?!

Considerate. It starts C-O-N-S, not I-C-O-K… I honestly don’t know how you messed that up.

F-U.

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What can I start you off with?

I’ll have the wings

Excellent choice

And I’ll have the onion rings

Excellent choice as well, you’ll enjoy them.

And I’ll have the quesadilla

…interesting.

What?

Nothing.

Should I choose something else?

No, it’s just an interesting choice; that’s all.

What’s interesting? Is that bad?

No, not necessarily. Just… interesting.

Should I be concerned?

No.

Would it be better if I got onion rings?

I mean, it depends on you. If you want a quesadilla, I would recommend you get the quesadilla; but the onion rings would be an excellent choice.

…fine. I’ll get the onion rings.

Are you sure?

…not really, but I have to choose something.

Well, you don’t HAVE to choose anything.

But I’m hungry.

So what do you want to eat?

I said I’ll have the onion rings—no wait, I still want the quesadilla.

Okay.

…Okay?

Yeah. Okay.

So it’s okay with you all of a sudden?

Sure.

Good.

Good. I’ll bring those right out.

Fine.

Fine.

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Creepy

There was some group that showed up in my facebook newsfeed called “I’m not creepy, I just have a really good memory.” Thinking about it for a minute, how can you say you’re not creepy? I know on occasion I have pointed out details to people from years in the past, and people find it kind of creepy that I can remember such randomly specific details. To me it’s not creepy, but to others it might be. But one thing I can’t do is tell that person that it’s not creepy; then I’d just be asking them to lie to themselves. I can’t tell someone that reciting 100 digits of pi makes me smart, I can’t tell someone that my jokes are funny, and I can’t tell someone that giving them flowers is romantic. You do what you do, but you can’t tell other people what you do; it’s up to them to see it, and it’s up to you to show them.

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Dis-Ease

Disease is kind of a funny word if you think about it. “dis-ease,” like a lack of ease, ie: slight discomfort. I just imagine a british man from the 1800’s saying to his lady, “I’m facilitating a trifling dis-ease, m’dear.”

You’d think the word for disease should be something like “un-life” or “anti-happiness” instead. Dis-ease sounds so… nice, like getting “let go” from your job, or moving to “assisted living.”

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Another day I have the chance

To embrace what I most long for.

But every time I don’t advance

I find teardrops on my keyboard.

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