“Life is a one-liner.”
“No it’s not!”
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“Life is a one-liner.”
“No it’s not!”
What can I start you off with?
I’ll have the wings
Excellent choice
And I’ll have the onion rings
Excellent choice as well, you’ll enjoy them.
And I’ll have the quesadilla
…interesting.
What?
Nothing.
Should I choose something else?
No, it’s just an interesting choice; that’s all.
What’s interesting? Is that bad?
No, not necessarily. Just… interesting.
Should I be concerned?
No.
Would it be better if I got onion rings?
I mean, it depends on you. If you want a quesadilla, I would recommend you get the quesadilla; but the onion rings would be an excellent choice.
…fine. I’ll get the onion rings.
Are you sure?
…not really, but I have to choose something.
Well, you don’t HAVE to choose anything.
But I’m hungry.
So what do you want to eat?
I said I’ll have the onion rings—no wait, I still want the quesadilla.
Okay.
…Okay?
Yeah. Okay.
So it’s okay with you all of a sudden?
Sure.
Good.
Good. I’ll bring those right out.
Fine.
Fine.
Hey, you wanna go weave some baskets tomorrow?
You know what? Yeah, I do. Now that I’ve cleared my schedule a bit I should be free.
Do I need to get my ears checked, or did you actually say yes to something?
I’m learning not to put too many things on my plate.
Life is a buffet… and I’m hungry.
Then you should put more on your plate.
No; I’m actually hungry. Like, separate from any analogous implications.
You should eat something.
I can always count on you for good ideas.
So where are we going to do some basket weaving?
I honestly didn’t think that far. I thought you’d say no, so I just said something random.
Oh.
So what do you want to do?
Try basket weaving.
I don’t even know how to weave a basket; let’s do something else.
Come on, it can’t be that bad. When we’re done you’ll have a basket, instead of video games or something where all you have is gained weight from eating Cheetos.
But it’s basket weaving. It’s boring, and they have holes. I’d rather just buy a bowl or something.
Don’t you want to be able to say you made it though?
Since when was that ever cool? From what I’ve learned, it’s much better to have people make things for you.
You need to try new things, it’d be good to broaden your horizon.
Eh. My horizon’s pretty broad, I just don’t take panoramas.
I think your camera’s broken.
Why is Johan Sebastian Bach’s name pronounced like “Bock?” It’s a C-H sound; shouldn’t it be Johan Sebastian “Batch?”
No. “Bock” is just the way you’re supposed to say it.
But why?
Because people have always said it that way.
You really such at explaining things.
I suppose as your writing teacher I’m supposed to give you an assignment. So for that assignment I would like you to write something.
Is that it?
Yes.
Just, anything?
No, something. Something in particular.
What does it need to be about?
Like I said, something.
Well, if there’s basically no rules, can I just sneeze on a piece of paper and turn it in?
This isn’t art class–there are rules here. I try to keep it simple, but you people keep trying to be creative and keep messing it up, so I don’t add any more rules. I’ve had many students try to write about anything and it never works out.
Okay, so how long does it need to be?
Write until you think I’m convinced, then stop.
It seems like the glutton free diet would be the one that works best.
It’s pronounced gluten. Not glutton.
Oh. Well what’s the point of that?
I don’t know. Tell you to avoid something so all you can do is think about it.
Hmm, seems a bit cruel.
Why? You should be able to control what goes into your mouth.
Not that. I mean diets; do any of these diets even work?
They say they do.
It just seems like if a diet worked than only one diet book would sell, but they don’t, so hundreds get made and people keep buying diet book after diet book… It just seems a bit cruel.
Then so are batteries. People keep buying them even though they know they won’t last.
But that’s way different.
No it isn’t. Do you really think people would change if one book had all the answers?
…Maybe.
People want to keep thinking the next book they pick up has the answer their looking for. It’s not cruel; it’s what keeps them running. Let them run.
Hmm, then I guess they’ll at least get some exercise.
Remember when we would pick berries, and when everyone stood on the hill to watch the airshow we’d sell them for 25 cents a cup?
Yeah. Remember the dog barking at us from the deck because he wanted to pick berries with us too, but he fell through the slats and landed on his face?
I remember he fell, but I don’t remember seeing it. Do you remember what we spent our earnings on?
We weren’t allowed to keep the money; we had to put it in the piggy bank. Do you remember when I took it and hid it?
Do you remember when I smashed it open and took everything?
No, but I remember getting punished for it. Do you remember how much was in there?
Not a clue.
Why are you going to throw a pie at that man’s face?
It’s for charity.
But still, you’re executing this man’s comfort.
He gave it up willingly.
Just because someone’s willing to sacrifice themselves, is it right for you to carry out their wish? What if he isn’t of sound mind?
Then this ought to wake him up.
I’m just saying—asking—what gives you the right to make that call?
Probably nothing—but it’s fun.
You know what tastes bad? Anything after you’ve brushed your teeth.
Why do you eat immediately after you brush your teeth?
Why do you ask questions you know I’ll just avoid?
Why does the answer not matter anyway? I know you’ll just lie about it.
But I never do.
Because you always dodge the question.
Your point?
You’re on a treadmill.
You turned it on. I’m just running.
I bet you’re good at dodgeball.
I bet you’re good at throwing things.
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